Chapter 11. The drawback of having perfectionism and anxiety

It's been a long time since I brought up this issue. Going into this chapter made me realize that I just stumbled inside the inferiority complex I cannot get rid of permanently. Perfectionism and anxiety seem a perfect couple, aren't they? Through this post, I'd love to share with you guys what those features successfully made me stuck from deciding something. Thus, I hope you can earn something from my thoughts. 

Source: Personal Image

It sounds funny, isn't it? Having perfectionism would help us to do some errands in an ideal way. I even put this word into my CV and proudly stated that I am a perfectionist. It does help sometimes, but rather than getting help, perfectionism tends to make me worsen everything. I always get overwhelmed when finishing my task, but I have my mind struggling with A-Z planning, outlining from scratch, and deciding what time and how my mood would be ready. You would agree, I am too much to think. 

I can count how many times life crises have happened to me, from the simple one to the one that even made me doubt myself. Those chronological events happened when I needed to decide about my whole life. Facing 2 options, and I had to choose one. 

Okay, let's say Level One passed, and I can guarantee that I will (never) regret it. 

Until then, I could use my perfectionism and anxiety to reassure myself and stay organized for what I wanted to do. I was confident to make a decision. And I acknowledged myself as a visioner yet organized person. However, now they tend to become a threat. Fear of what the future will be, what if I did wrong, what if it didn't work. Too much "if" to be feared. I was eager and courageous in every aspect. I may have the privilege of being young and energetic, or I am a man. Undoubtedly, I will make a decision even beyond my limits and resources. However, my current situation is different. I am careful and take a single detail on what I will do, wishing that nothing is left behind. We must think about our lives and other things that may be impacted. 

Somehow, I abruptly imagined how simple our lives were when we only knew three famous words: "play, eat, sleep." Nothing is a big deal. But life is not about regretting and blaming something. My lack of points that I was concerned about the most complements me. Nevertheless, why we were anxious is just our response to defend ourselves from something terrible that might happen. But what happens if the frequency and load of anxiety become highly insane? Honestly, it is difficult to control.

Adulthood will be such a nightmare, no doubt. It is challenging and demanding. It looks like getting older and getting higher the tendency to have anxiety. You must decide where to work, study and whether you will marry first or pursue a career. For those who are the first generation in the family who run into college, it is more complex. Everything will be questioned. This phenomenon simply illustrates how our minds keep running to adapt to any possible situation. At the end of the day, the problem is just getting higher and more complex. 

My anxiety plays out because I fear becoming a loser and ruining everything. I am inclined to project myself in the long run; I must do an "A" to achieve a "B." Imagine my life would be fantastic if I did "A-Z." Do you agree? Perhaps only sometimes like that. 

Often, we ended up messing up about everything. We are confident about our decision. We even influenced and motivated others to uplift their core values as we believed ourselves has a solid point to guide someone. Then, suddenly reluctant. Everything destroyed. Those ideal dreams of life sound like such a pitiful dream of a man fueled with optimism but wrecked by anxiety and perfectionism. 

I learned many things from these. Even though Anxiety and Perfectionism have a negative connotation, I believe those two things are just a scheme to remind us not to go beyond the danger line. Anxiety, as I always said in my previous posts, is a thing that everyone indeed has. Perfectionism has two sides; we can attain something extraordinary from it, but at the same time, we can get destroyed because of perfectionism. So far, I am relying on those two things, trying to be friendly with them and applying mindfulness when doing anything. Being an adult is brutal, but as we grow up, we learn something new and valuable about being an adult.